Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
