She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
