Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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