We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
