Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
