Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
