You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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