hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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