i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize