if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
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i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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