ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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