question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
