Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
