Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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