i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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