we have officially lost it.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
