Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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