I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
