Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
