Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
