I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
