i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
