Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
