My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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