My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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