It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
