I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
