He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
