i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
