I feel like abortions should bother me more
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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