If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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