i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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