just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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