Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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