I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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