he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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