Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he fucked my hip out of place.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
