Pants 0. Shit 1.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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