I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
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we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
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I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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