Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
