No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
