I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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