we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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