just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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