playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
