why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
