haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
