the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
