I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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