True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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