Only a mothe r could love this liver
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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