textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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