i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
