We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
