I am full of burrito and curiosity
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
