Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
