i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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