K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
