Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
