I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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