Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
