Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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