I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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