i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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