Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
